I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
