I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
