The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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