how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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