You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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