You're my little dorito
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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