YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
