so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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