Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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