i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
