Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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