I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
