I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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