everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
