I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
