bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
