the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
