I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize