Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
