I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
