i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
