Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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