Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
