My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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