I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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