every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
