I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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