Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
