First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
