sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I look better un-naked...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
