i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
