All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
