Can i not drive my cunt home
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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