shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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