So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
