I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
