i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
