Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
