You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So vagazzling was a success
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
