wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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