You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
