Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
