DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
sex in a hospital.. check
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
