party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
