I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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