your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
