I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
