Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
