we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize