Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
