batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
