She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
