Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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