Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
