put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
