I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
