apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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