It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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