Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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