I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
