Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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