I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
