There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
