Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
