I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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