Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
