Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
